What is the story you want your life to tell?

I am in the throes of early parenthood, and over the last four years, it has taken up all my time and energy to stay at home with my kids. I am putting my heart, soul, and full attention into the season that I am in, and I have absolutely no regrets. However, this question has been tapping at my soul lately, and something is stirring inside me that I can't quite put my finger on.

The seizure this fall pushed me forward to make some decisions that I have been on the fence about. I sought guidance from a childhood psychologist to learn how best to support Elliott & educate ourselves in the meantime. I will speak more about this at a later date, but with this new therapeutic addition, reassurance from the neurologist, and success with his new medication, I had an A-HA moment.

We are going to be ok, and no season lasts forever. I feel confident in our progress and strong in both my mind and body.

Life has ebbs and flows, peaks and valleys, and seasons of trials and triumphs. That's the beautiful thing about being alive, it doesn't always have to stay the same, or stay hard. Having both of these dichotomies makes life whole and complete. It is what you grow and learn from. I want to carry my lessons into new seasons, or pass on any wisdom I have gained to others.

Healing looks different for everyone. It can be a quiet process, but what matters is that it happens. It's important that we feel our way through healing. We don't skirt the issue, avoid it, or 'fake it till you make it.' Pain, sorrow, happiness, or hope are not meant to be carried forever. There is something very powerful about recognizing the different seasons of life and letting go of the hard, saying thank you for what you have taught me.

“I have found truth on the other side of lies. Vulnerability on the other side of fear. Empathy on the other side of pain.”

— Joanna Gaines

All of this has led me back to these questions: What kind of legacy do I want to leave? How do I want to live my life? How do I want my life to be perceived? What are passions and goals that I can begin to pursue? How can I be the best example for my kids?

For now, the current answer to those questions is to slow down and start taking notice. It is in enjoying the equal parts of chaos and simplicity that coexist every day in my life.

I am learning that presence takes practice. Being present means taking inventory of the thoughts and questions swirling around my head. I believe my passions can lead to a world of wonder and experiences I could never have planned or expected.

I am not in the season for saying yes to whatever adventure, career, or volunteer opportunity comes my way, and that is okay. It doesn't mean it won't happen; when it does, I can be eager to spot it, grateful for the new season, and able to say yes.

I am choosing to trust every piece of my story.

I believe that all the challenges that have happened to us will, one day, benefit and teach someone something. I know my passions and big dreams have never left me, even as I dedicate my life to my kids while they are still so little. I will happily take in the small moments and see the beauty that exists in something as simple as baking multiple different types of Christmas cookies for Santa Claus (so he will have options, of course ;) I will choose gratitude, every single day, for the life that I have, the family I was born into, and the family I have created.